Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.
Stephen R. Covey
Another way people fail to listen carefully is to be too concerned with being interesting themselves, rather than being interested in the person they’re listening to. They believe the route to success is to constantly talk and showing off their expertise or intelligence with their words and comments.
The best way to establish rapport with people and to win them over to your side is to be truly interested in them, to listen with the intention of really learning about them. When the person feels that you are really interested in getting to know them and their feelings, they will open up to you and share their true feelings with you much more quickly.
Work to develop an attitude of curiosity. Be curious about other people, what they feel, how they think, how they see the world. What are their hopes, dreams, and fears? What are their aspirations? What obstacles are they facing in their lives?
If you want people to cooperate with you, to like you, or to open up to you, you must be interested . . . in them. Instead of focusing on yourself, start focusing on others. Notice what makes them happy or unhappy. When your thoughts are more on others than on yourself, you feel less stress. You can act and respond with more intelligence. Your production level increases and you have more fun.
Additionally, when you are interested, people respond to your interest in them. They want to be around you. Your popularity increases.
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